My top 5 Worst Dates - Listography

1. My best friend didn't have much luck with men so when she had the chance of going out with a guy she really fancied but needed another girl to go along because he had his mate with him, she begged me to go. How bad could a blind date be? It might actually be fun.

I was not attracted to my date at all but tried to be polite and interested whilst my friend had her tongue further down her man's throat than I thought medically possible.

My date was keen to tell me all about the tattoo that he was having done over his entire back. It was so big that it had to be done and stages and the first stage was completed and healing. He was quick to whip his shirt off in the pub to reveal  his swollen, scabby, infected inked skin with testosterone pumped pride. It was grotesque.

I didn't have the pleasure of admiring the finished tattoo. After he drove me home and I used my best evasive moves to avoid the goodnight grope, I never saw him again.

2. I was chatted up in the Student Union swimming pool once. The guy had gorgeous blue eyes and dark hair and looked pleasantly muscular from what I could see through the water. We swam, we trod water as we chatted. He was the president of the University Photographic Society and as I had recently purchased my first SLR camera, I found him very interesting. He offered to show me around his darkroom.

I was all of a flutter as I primped and preened in the swimming pool changing rooms knowing that he would be waiting outside for me.

At first, I thought I'd been stood up but then he called my name to get my attention. My eyes had completely failed to register his presence because he was a tiny little man. At 5' 9" I absolutely towered over him. The swimming pool had disguised the fact that I was tall and he was short and I think we were both a little embarrassed.

I took an uncomfortable speed tour of the dark room and changed my mind about joining the Photographic Society.

3. In the time that I affectionately refer to as 'between husbands',  I dabbled with internet dating. One chap that I met up with had described himself as 5' 10" but later explained that since he had stopped playing rugby he had shrunk 3 inches. His lack of stature was less of a problem than the fact that within minutes he wanted me to live with him in an eco house in the forest and have his babies. It was all a bit desperate.

4. Another of my internet dates turned out to be not quite what I was expecting. Given that it was a non-smoking, vegetarian dating site, it was a bit of a shock when he ordered steak and started rolling his own.  In his defence, he had found out about the site from an advert in an Outdoor Pursuits publication that he subscribed to and he was a fit outdoorsy type. We got on really well for a while but never well enough for me to feel comfortable about introducing my children to him. When it stopped being fun I sent him a text to end the relationship  -  that was before I found out that text dumping was a social faux pas.

5. I didn't ever really 'date' my first husband - we knew each other because we shared a student house and just sort of drifted into a troubled relationship in much the same way as we drifted into a troubled marriage. Our honeymoon sums it up. Our actual wedding was all done on the cheap as we were very short of money but we pushed the boat out for a honeymoon in Paris. Fairly shortly after arriving in arguably the most romantic city in the world, he trod in dog sh*t. I laughed. He didn't find it funny. End of honeymoon!

For more Worst Dates visit the  Listography Linky at guest host Typecast