QWERTY Mum: motherhood

Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Being a Mother

There have been times this year when I have felt desperately unhappy. One of my daughters was having a difficult time adjusting to changes in her life and it seemed that whatever I did to try and help her would backfire and make things worse. It was frustrating and emotionally draining and the effects on the whole family were far reaching. I felt a complete failure as a mother. Thankfully now, for the sake of everyone involved, things are very much better although I don't doubt that the odd crisis will continue to challenge us.

Being a mother is the most fundamental part of who I am and when I feel that I am failing, it strips me of any sense of self worth. The flip side to this particular coin of maternity is that when something positive happens it is totally life affirming. It can be a simple as my little Addy telling me that I am the best mummy ever (although yesterday she told me that I was the naughtiest mummy ever and if I didn't give her cake she would leave home!) - and it can be completely unexpected.

Today I was reduced to floods of happy tears when an unexpected and life affirming moment happened for me.

My eldest daughter is many things including a blogger and a writer. At a recent meeting at our town's local Writer's Club, she was tasked with writing a poem. She published the results of her rhyming masterpiece on her blog. As an avid reader of her blog, I chanced upon the poem this morning and this is what I read:

A misplaced coffee cup, half full, gone cold.
A photo in your underwear, who says you’re too old?
John Denver on the CD rack, right next to Eminem.
A puzzle book left open, to dip into now and then.
Knitting needles, cast on, making zombies, skulls, the Queen.
A mountain of fresh baked cupcakes topped with buttercream.
Worn out clogs sit by the door, bleached by summer sun.
She’s chaotic, crazy, beautiful,
Wonderful
My Mum

The poem is a near perfect snapshot of me (not sure about the 'beautiful' bit!) and to know that she sees me so clearly and embraces all that I am was the catalyst to precipitate my emotional response.

Being a mother has certainly taken me to the extremes of joy and misery. I have been stretched to near breaking point yet remade in an instant.

I am struggling to end this post in a way that does not sound cheesy and cliched. My life isn't always easy but I am a Mother... and wouldn't want it any other way.

Wednesday, 20 April 2011

The Nearly Three Year Old becomes the Really Three Year Old

So much has happened in the three short years since my little girl was born. I became Mrs Virgo, I gave birth to a son and the QWERTY Mum blog came into existence to help me celebrate it all.

Tonight, my daughter went to bed knowing that tomorrow is her birthday. She has made it very clear that she wants cards and presents and balloons and cake. She will get all of those things and more.

My daughter (and now of course my son) have been the most amazing little miracles in my life. Having found love after enduring many years of a bad marriage, I did dream of maybe conceiving a child that would unite my new family but I doubted that at my age it would become a reality. I feel so blessed that I have my two healthy, beautiful children as well as my four grown up daughters. Every day they make me smile, they make me laugh and they fill me with pride and wonder.

Tomorrow, as we celebrate my daughter's third birthday, I will no doubt remember back to a hospital room, my fear and uncertainty, a lovely midwife and a first meeting with a familiar stranger who inspired a flood of intensely powerful love and changed my life forever in the best way possible.